Lie of the Land Read online

  Lie of the Land

  First published in Great Britain in 2015 by

  Polygon, an imprint of Birlinn Ltd.

  West Newington House

  10 Newington Road

  Edinburgh

  EH9 1QS

  www.polygonbooks.co.uk

  Copyright © Michael F. Russell, 2015

  The moral right of Michael F. Russell to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN 978 1 84697 319 2

  eBook ISBN 978 0 85790 840 7

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

  A catalogue record for this book is available on request from the British Library.

  The publishers acknowledge investment from Creative Scotland towards the publication of this volume.

  Typeset by 3btype.com

  For Helena, Danny and Joe

  Contents

  October

  1

  2

  3

  July

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  November

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  August

  20

  21

  22

  23

  December

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  January–April

  33

  34

  New Life

  Acknowledgements

  October

  1

  Carl closed the graveyard’s rusty metal gate, breathing hard, lungs aching from the effort of walking. What was it – about half a mile from the hotel? Too fast, he’d gone far too fast for a body that had spent most of a month lying flat and then a week shuffling between rooms.

  Crows rasped in the trees as the wind freshened from off the sea. The place reeked of wet earth and rotting leaves. He felt light-headed, dizzy, the fresh air knifing his lungs. He coughed, hawking a gobbet onto the gravel path that skirted the graveyard.

  He soon found Howard’s grave, a fresh mound next to those of the two German tourists. Carl stood for a while, then dropped to his haunches and scooped a handful of earth from Howard’s grave.

  An oystercatcher alarm-called as it flew, arrowing level with the dark-rock shoreline. He had come to know the sound of the bird. The soil was cold and sticky in his hand.

  ‘Sorry,’ he whispered, throwing the handful back onto the pile. His throat tightened. ‘Why did I fucking listen to you? Why did I let you do it?’ He gasped for breath. ‘Where is everything? What am I doing here?’

  Now that the fever had left him, realising where he was and what had happened threatened to blot out every other thought and feeling. Consciousness without purpose was now the dominant state. Never waking up at all would have been better.

  Mistakes: to the nth power.

  The world was dead, and he had helped kill it, in his own little way. Call it a sin of omission. Carl could add his only friend to the list of the dead while he was at it. There was guilt enough to gorge on, with extra guilt to go. It entered his bloodstream with every breath, all washed down with a cold glass of grief.

  He stood for a moment, staring down at the grave. Insects crawled on the rectangular mound of earth. They had a job to do, above and below the ground. Wind stirred the trees again, making them sway and creak. Everything had an appointed function, except him.

  There was an obvious destination: somewhere he had to go. As he looked around the bay, judging distances, Carl wondered if he could make it. Going back to where Howard died meant taking one of two routes: he could cross to the south headland, on the main road, before heading inland and into the hills. But that meant going through the main part of the village. Which meant people, and the gauntlet of shock and sympathy. Or he could continue the way he had come, up the back road over the north headland. That way he’d avoid people, but it also took him away from where he needed to go, behind the village, over rough ground, circling around Inverlair and to the south. Call it nine miles of trudging through heather and bogs. That would take him hours, if he managed it at all. With no real conviction, he set off for the hard way.

  On the back road up and out of Inverlair Bay, past the church and the community hall and the start of the forestry track, he made it as far as the roadblock, a line of shin-high boulders splashed with red paint. Never mind being at the edge of the world, he couldn’t have gone much further anyway.

  He sat on the stones, gasping for breath. To his right, over a rusty barbed-wire fence, fields of rushes and thistles sloped down towards the grey sea. He scanned the horizon for a white boat, for salvation, but saw nothing except the fusing of cloud and water.

  Some way off the road was a derelict old house, windowless, with a ragged corrugated-iron roof. To his left, the hills rose to the fissured rocky summit of Ben Bronach, and beyond, to the deer forest. After a few minutes Carl got up and, standing at the roadblock with his hands in his coat pockets, considered the road ahead. He stepped over the painted boulders.

  Maybe today was the day when the world would open up again. He could drive away from Inverlair. He could leave Room 14 and Simone and the baby, today, the eighty-second day of his confinement. This would be the last day he’d have to spend here, in this prison refuge. The redzone would open. Its signal would fail.

  He took Howard’s deltameter out of his pocket and watched the EMF waveform on the screen, spiking at 85 microtesla today, close to the active neural level. Another hundred metres or so and, he knew, the buzzing sound would start in his head. Another two hundred after that and the pain would skewer through his head, from temple to temple. Any further and sleep was death.

  Today was not the day. But he’d known that anyway. There would be no escape. Even before he took his dead friend’s gadget out of his pocket to check the signal he knew what it would tell him.

  •

  The next day, he stood in Room 14’s en suite, in front of the mirror. Pits of ash where his eyes had been, thick phlegm-flecked beard and limp coils of oily hair.

  With a pair of borrowed scissors he cut his beard to a point where shaving could finish the job. Without hot water it stung and he nicked the skin a few times as he went, hair filling the sink, red drops on the thin scum of soap and grease. Even though the razor was blunt he managed to shave off half his beard, stopping to touch the hairless side of his face, the fever-scooped hollows where his cheeks had been. Two months ago his face had been full and he hadn’t felt like a decrepit wreck of a man.

  Death had looked in on him, given his lungs a squeeze, then let him go. I’ll be back later for you, pal. Take care of yourself – until I take care of you.

  Neck next, and he was done; now to complete the transformation, from stinking caveman to heroin chic all in a few snips. Reaching above his ear he gathered a handful of greasy, matted hair, and started cutting until he was right down to the scalp. Getting rid of his hair made the scab on his forehead stand out. He tried to forget how it had happened, and continued cutting. The person he’d been must be somewhere underneath this feral disguise. He must be.

  That night, Carl stood on the hotel’s first-floor landing. Above the dark stairwell there was a stained-glass window, red roses and green petals on a blue background, the full moon blazing the colours alive. He heard an owl hooting. This is Tuesday, he
said to himself, as he gazed, open-mouthed, at the moon-bright glass. Nearly a week since the fever had left his bleached bones washed up in a single bed.

  He was hungry again. Appetite had been reborn. And that was a good thing, on balance. Resurrection. Coming back from the brink. Five days he’d been up and about, and now it was time to visit the ground floor. Maybe even rejoin what was left of the human race. He was in the grip of life now. He took a deep breath and, as planned, his lungs cracked a volley of phlegm, which he spat into a hankie. In the soundless night, it wouldn’t do to cough in an inconvenient place and alert anyone to his presence.

  On his seventh step down, the stairs creaked. Carl held his breath, gaping up at the stained-glass roses shining in the moonlight. What did he expect to happen? Simone’s dad come stomping through from the annexe, dressing gown flying, shotgun at the ready? The only sound was the clock ticking in the lobby; moon glinting on the brass pendulum as it measured the night.

  It was even darker on the ground floor as Carl made his way along the lobby past reception, through the fire door and into the annexe, cupping the candle, which he’d stuck onto a saucer. He waited a few seconds, listening out for signs of life, letting the fire door swing gently back into place. But there was nothing except his own breathing as he crept into the kitchen. It was still warm; he could feel heat radiating from the stove. There wasn’t much to eat: the remains of a mushroom omelette in the fridge along with milk and some butter, still chilled, even though the generator was off for the night. And fish, of course. At least there was no question of an Omega 3 deficiency. No danger of that in this place. Insanity maybe, but at least his heart wouldn’t pack in.

  He set the candle and saucer down on the worktop, next to a kid’s storybook. Simone kept things as normal as she could for her boy. Fair play to her.

  Carl ate.

  Scoffing the greasy slab of omelette with his fingers, he saw an open black bin bag on the wicker kitchen chair. He reached into it.

  His jaw stopped working.

  The bag was full of baby clothes, sleepsuits and tiny vests. He lowered the candle to read the handwritten label taped to the bag: Under Three Months.

  He laid a sleepsuit out flat on the table, adjusting the position of the candle so he could get a better look. The suit was pink with little smiling teddies on it. The bag of clothes certainly answered The Burning Question. Carl imagined the pink suit filled with a screaming, red-faced baby.

  Without warning the candle fell over and went out, the air heavy with smoke.

  Darkness.

  Fuck. He hadn’t melted enough wax on to the saucer.

  He wondered if he could negotiate his way back upstairs, in darkness, without knocking anything over. As he visualised the obstacles, his eyes grew accustomed to the lack of light. Gathering candle and saucer, he crept into the hallway. There were no windows in the corridor between the annexe and the actual hotel, and it was darker there, but he could still make out all the important shapes to avoid, the edge of the reception desk. And the big brass bell, on its stand by the front door, a touch of baronial charm for the tourists. Better not knock that bugger over.

  He was near the annexe fire door when he heard a sound from upstairs. It was Simone’s dad, George, sobbing, groaning and calling out in his sleep. Carl froze. There came another, quieter moan. Then silence.

  Bad dream, probably. Everyone had them. Dreams of death, playing on a loop. Anyway, there was now food in his belly, and he felt like he needed something to wash it down.

  Making his way through to the public bar he nudged a table, low to his left, and set something rocking on top of it. The ornament, or whatever it was, shook, but stayed upright, thank Christ.

  And breathe again. Take it slow through another fire door, between the chairs and tables. Past the pool table, baize under his fingertips. He mustn’t rush it. There was always the unexpected obstacle.

  He reached the storeroom door. There were no windows here, so the moon couldn’t light his way. Easy does it now, one slow foot-sliding step at a time. He edged to the back of the storeroom, knew which forgotten cardboard box to find, felt the edge of the cold metal filing cabinet, then down and along to the box. Flipping the flaps open he took out four bottles, one at a time, careful not to let them clink together. Carl put a bottle into each pocket of his dressing gown, carried the other two in one hand, by their necks, candle and saucer in the other hand. He was fully laden now, and there was no room for mistakes. Watch that table in the corridor. Mind the big brass bell. Ease open the fire door, hook it with a foot. Let it sink back nice and quiet. And whatever happens, don’t bloody cough.

  For the second night in a row Carl sat in Room 14, on the edge of his bed, four bottles of lime-green alcofizz inside him. He watched his palmpod’s on-screen clock count the seconds, considered – then rejected – the idea of watching a certain personal video file.

  Tomorrow he would have to endure real-time interaction with George and Simone. He’d put that off for long enough.

  The booze he had just guzzled equated to less than two pints, but he was pissed nonetheless. Weight loss and illness had reduced his tolerance for alcohol. It was 2.37 a.m. He lurched over to the windowsill, unsteady on his feet. The fat bluebottle that only this morning had bounced and buzzed against the room’s dormer window, in thrall to the light, was dead, stiff legs in the air. He had watched the fly pound the glass, unable to stop what it was doing. If only the fly had known the impossibility of breaking through the glass it might have stopped. It might have accepted imprisonment and fate, making no fuss about its situation and inevitable end in Room 14 of Inverlair Hotel. That would be the sensible thing to do.

  Rolling into bed, he pulled the duvet around him and closed his eyes. He dreamed of a giant baby that cried all night and would never go to sleep. Being so big, the screaming kid was dangerous. It might roll over and crush the life he’d only just regained back out of him.

  2

  Brittle brown leaves swirled around the garden. Staring into space George stood, rake in hand. Wind ruffled his grey hair. It was cold today. Dry. His jacket was on but wasn’t zipped up against the morning chill. George tried not to look at the carved oak bench nestling beneath the ivy-covered trellis at the bottom of the garden. Maybe he should store it in the shed now. The bench could do with a coat of wood stain anyway, and that’s something he could never face doing.

  It had been their bench; the two of them used to sit on it. In future there would be only him. Maybe he should stick the bench in the shed after all. No luck with the leaves today, too windy to rake them up.

  He stood there, clutching the rake, as the dead leaves flew where the wind took them. Part of him wanted to smash the bench into pieces.

  Unless George kept tight control, it would start in his stomach, the spasm of awareness, and from there it would engulf him. Pain and sadness would sweep him away, and he would crumble again. But remembering was so sweet, even as it made ashes of his heart. That was the thing he couldn’t get right in his head: the sweetness of letting memory swim in his blood, and the nausea of grief that came with remembering her. He was frightened of remembering his wife, and just as frightened of forgetting her.

  He examined the rake he held in his hands, looked towards the pine trees and the hills as if someone was there, in the distance, waiting for him.

  What had he been doing? No luck with the leaves. Too windy to bother with them.

  ‘Dad!’ Simone stood on the back step of the annexe, a cardboard box in her hands. George thought he heard a voice. He found himself staring at his daughter, and remembering laughter from long ago.

  ‘Come and see what I’ve found in the loft.’

  Let the leaves swirl and leave the rubbish in the loft, girl. Nothing up there but dust.

  George straightened his back. ‘What is it?’ He put the rake back in the garden shed, in its proper place.

  Simone came over, took a small paper sachet out of the box for her father to
sniff; in the box there were many more: coffee, sugar, tiny cartons of milk and — holy of holies — about twenty cellophane mini-packs of biscuits, two in each. Shortbread, mainly, but there were a few custard creams.

  George’s face fell. ‘We ordered too much stock. Then the bookings dried up. It was before you came back.’ He sniffed the coffee again. ‘We stopped putting them in the rooms after that.’

  He dropped the sachet back in the box, bit hard on the memory. Can’t keep that kind of pain in the fucking shed. ‘This should really be handed in to the committee,’ he said, wiping his hands on his trousers.

  ‘It will,’ said Simone, trying to catch her father’s eye. ‘But I thought we could sit down and have a cup of coffee and a biscuit first. One each, that’s all.’

  She smiled. George nodded, touched his daughter’s arm, and they went inside.

  Stale. He figured the biscuit would be, but it was still satisfyingly sweet. George sipped his coffee, fingering crumbs on the tabletop. He thought about how he could broach the subject of the father-to-be who was lurking upstairs.

  The oak bench would not be moved from its place.

  •

  That evening, Carl crept along the annexe hallway. The kitchen door was open and he could see the table laid for dinner, pots bubbling away on the stove; George was fussing over the food as Simone sat at the table, her son on her lap.

  ‘I can’t fix the games visor, darling. I don’t know why it’s broken.’

  But Isaac wasn’t entirely convinced by his mother’s lack of expertise. She had to fix it. The visor had to be fixed so he could play the game. Why couldn’t she see that?

  Carl coughed in the kitchen doorway, rubbing the stubble on his head self-consciously. The kid looked at him, open-mouthed, eyes wide.

  Clothes too big. Shirt like a sack. Trousers belted on a skewered hole. Carl felt like shit and probably looked it too. Can’t blame the kid for staring.

  Standing at the kitchen door, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He shifted from foot to foot. ‘Smells good.’

  Startled at first, George said hello and went back to his pots, ladling stew into bowls. Carl sat down at the table.